DIVING COURAGEOUSLY INTO THE NOW…  With humour and compassion, Jeff Foster speaks simply and directly about the journey of healing and spiritual awakening, breathing new life into stuffy old spiritual teachings!

Regret is REWIND, the attempt to change the past. Fear is FAST-FORWARD, the attempt to control the future. Peace is PLAY, a thrilling freefall into the aliveness of Now.


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26 Jul 2017United States 5-Day Colorado Retreat in Colorado
17 Nov 2017Belgium 7-Day Retreat (silent) in Frandeux

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I should have liked to have met you, Vincent.

To have stood there with you on that threshold where formless becomes form, to have held you there on that dizzying precipice where we enter life and are entered in return, no protection, no answers. The field all true artists know, fear, are attracted to, flee, return to in the end because they have no other choice but to participate. The field where self and world and other dissolve and there are only sunflowers of brilliant yellow and fields of dancing wheat and shimmering skies bursting with stars and roaring seas crazy with blue and white and every shade of green and nowhere to call home except there in the seeing itself. A world on the edge of tears, on the edge of stars, nobody to understand except the one who stops trying.

The seeing. The seeing! A hair's breadth from madness, a hair's breadth from ecstasy! I should have liked to have held you there, my friend. Reminded you that you were safe. That your loneliness was sacred and your despair was not shameful and even your darkest secrets urges and fantasies were not mistakes, not damn mistakes or signs of your failure or evidence of your sickness or proof that you weren't meant for this world. No, your human flaws were nothing less than art, the art of the future as you called it, where the peasant is king and the most ordinary moment has vastness in it. The future art of seeing every damn shade of our imperfect humanity as an expression of divinity, the same divinity that animated those wheat fields you disappeared into for days on end, painting, always painting, forever painting. Your feelings were sunflowers too, you see, your joy and your pain were as great and alive as those starry skies and seas all bursting with colour and light and shocking movement, and all the strange sensations surging through your body, all the traumas you were never quite able to touch, they were beautiful, too, Vincent, and safe. To me, anyway. And to many others who walk this strange path of awakening. You had a family you never met. I wish we had met.

In a wheat field in Auvers one cool summer evening you lost all hope or perhaps you intuited a hope so vast and unreachable that it finally broke your spirit and you shot yourself through the chest with a revolver and two days later in a little attic room, your heart stopped and you became infinite. Or the infinite took you back, back to your beloved wheat fields but now inseparable from them, back to light, back to mother, back to Home, and you found the deepest kind of rest you had never fully known in your short life.

In that tiny room they surrounded you with sunflowers and yellow dahlias and your last paintings, and they wept and remembered, and no church could have contained you anyway.

You were 37 then.

Oh, I don't think you were mad. I think you were too alive for this world. You were moved to tears by haystacks and potato eaters, prostitutes and tree roots. I think you saw too deeply and felt too keenly and found no home here because you were constantly torn asunder by the twin pulls of heaven and earth and I think nobody had ever taught you how to hold yourself in-between the way you held the ever-shifting sunlight over those haystacks.

Oh. I just would have liked to have known you, my friend. That's all.

Thank you for your courage. Thank you for helping us see.

Thank you for the sunflowers, the irises, the wheat fields, the almond tree, the starry nights.

- Jeff Foster

Painting: Wheatfield with Crows, Vincent van Gogh

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I should have liked to have met you, Vincent.

To have stood there with you on that... https://t.co/F224jIuDw2


Reach your goal by letting it go.
Be present to this astonishing journey!... https://t.co/MXGLRTLAyU